Before I began coaching, I would say “I should”, “I need” and now I say, “I want,”

Of course, there are things I need, such as I need milk if I choose to have milk in my tea. See how there is a choice.  I could choose not to have milk and then there is no need for me to buy milk.

“I should” has almost been eliminated from my language, and only creeps in sometimes out of old habits. These days it is much more about “I would like” and “I want” Initially this may appear selfish to you, it did me. But I came to realise that knowing what I want helps me consider others far more, and not harbour the resentment that went with “I should.”

It is also much more helpful than “I don’t want”. Which only serves to take you away from a solution and further into the problem. There may be many different reasons why you would prefer not to have Cousin Dave at your wedding, or drunk Aunty Jan, or the grooms mate Stephen who will upset everyone. You may think you will upset others by saying so, and maybe you will, but you are not responsible for their reactions, you just need to ensure you are honest not in anger but kindness.

This is your day, what would they have to do for you to be comfortable with them being there? Can you ask Aunty Jan to hold off drinking until the evening or not at all?  uncomfortable? you bet but it beats spending the whole day trying to sneak by her to see if she is drinking and what state she is in or checking in with whoever you gave that task to. Can Stephen be included in the ceremony at some point, so he feels more part of it and less likely to crave attention.

Or you could just say no.

There are always choices and solutions, do not let your resentment ruin your day.